I recently came across a video from a Christian faith counselor named Kris Reece that I found interesting to react to and it involves an interesting discussion on gossip. She claims that she gives Biblical solutions to life tough challenges. Well, there is nothing more challenging than being a Godly woman in a world surrounded by people who are just a flawed as you. So, it is always a good idea to seek the counsel of God-fearing Christian women who are stronger in faith to help build you up and encourage you to be better.
As I strive to be a better human, I fall short, and some of the behaviors that should come natural to a Christian woman, I struggle with. One of the things I struggle with is gossiping. Do you also struggle with gossiping?
Well in this video Kris Reece does an excellent job of explaining something that many Christian women have difficulty with and that is venting as opposed to gossiping. So, let’s take a look at the video, and then I will come back with my reaction.
(Posted on YouTube by Kris Reece)
So, what did you think about the video? Well, this is the part of the post where I weigh in, and since the video is approximately six minutes, I have decided to go in depth and do a recap and review of the video and highlight the points made and give my opinions on what was discussed.
Are you ready for my insight that I call, “Bootleg Sociology?” Where here it is…
My reaction, to the video….
The video starts off with Ms. Reece answering a question posed to her. The question is, “Is it wrong to vent about people? Not falsely accuse, but vent?” So, she gives us the short answer by replying, “yes” but then she also says, “no” and just in case you are confused she goes further.
She gives us clear explanation of why people vent. She tells us that we vent is to unburden ourselves and put the toxicity onto someone else. I like that explanation because it’s for all of us that like to say that we are not gossiping, we are just venting. Ms. Reece is showing us, that venting is a behavior just as toxic as gossiping about someone although many people will view venting and gossiping as two different behaviors, they are one in the same and just as destructive.
Because as she stated in the video, “when we vent about someone to someone who is not able to help us or will not hold us accountable to Godly Biblical principles then our words and our attitudes can actually begin to impact how that person, the one that were venting to, feels about the person we are venting about.”
So, when I watched this video, and I came to this part, I had to make a connection between the information given and my life. Have there been times when under the guise of “venting” I actually gossiped about someone? Yes! And the sad thing is I justified my behavior because in my mind I wasn’t doing anything wrong. The way I saw it I was just venting and if the person who I vented to told what I said then they were the ones that were gossiping, not me. Kris Reece’s video has showed me how flawed my logic was.
So let me give an example that will give some clarity. Let’s say you have agreed to give your sister a ride to work for a week while she gets her car fixed. When you arrive the first day, instead of coming out promptly she come out minutes later and her actions cause you to be late for work because she took longer than needed to come to the car. You don’t say nothing, but the next morning she does this again.
You are so distressed you call your friend, and you begin to tell her, “Jane is so inconsiderate. Do you know I agreed to take her to work, but she has made me late twice because she takes her sweet time coming to the car knowing full well, I am going to be late? She doesn’t care! And here I am doing her a favor”. Then your friend remarks, “Hmmm. I always thought Jane was such a responsible and considerate person; guess I was wrong about her.”
The problem is not your sister. You see if you talk to Jane about the inconvenience of being tardy, you will be giving Jane the opportunity to rectify her behavior. We cannot fix something we know nothing about. That is the importance of venting to the person who can change the situation. But when you told the friend, it altered their perception of Jane, because what you actually did was gossiped about her to your friend. In this case venting is gossip. You just assassinated Jane’s character. Jane didn’t get to tell her side, and she may have had a good reason for coming out later. But more importantly if you all had of talked, she could change the behavior based on the conversation. She may have not even known she was making you late! Sh
Ms. Reece states, “When we vent our grievance, we allow this grievance to grow instead of letting it die out”. She makes a distinction between venting to get the frustration out, and actually coming to a resolve. And that is the missing piece. Going to Jane will lead to a resolution whereas gossiping with your friend about the situation will not.
Ms. Reece warns us to be careful who we speak with. For example, instead of going to your friend you could of spoke about the situation with your mother, who knows and loves you both. After telling her the problem, she could sit down with you both and have a discussion about it to come to a peaceful resolution. In this case telling your mother would not be gossip, because you would be actually imploring with her to intercede in the matter for a positive resolution. But the person interceding has to be on who will bring that positive resolution to the matter otherwise they would be adding to the grievance and making it grow instead of letting it die out because it has been resolved.
Ms. Reece gives us examples of the person we should be going to intercede in such matters. They must be, “Biblically sound, spiritually mature, is mature enough to be able to separate your feelings for this person from their feelings for this person.” If not, then you should not be talking to them, it is gossip.
Godly women hold other women accountable, so if your mother is not spiritually mature, you could go to your pastor as opposed to her…the point is who you vent to. Feeling the need to vent, according to Ms. Reece is indication you have some unresolved feelings that need to get dealt with. Be careful of letting these feelings fester. And be careful who you seek counsel with.
So, what did you think of the video? Do you struggle with gossiping? Leave a comment and help someone get better! God loves you and so do I…
What are your thoughts?
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