I’m back, and so are you Joseline Hernandez fans! Yaaaassss! We have followed the Puerto Rican Princess from Atlanta to Sin City…are yawl excited for the new journey ahead?
I’m here to recap the series premiere of “Joseline’s Cabaret Las Vegas” appearing on Zeus Network and once again let me remind all of the Joseline Hernandez fans, if you are watching “Joseline’s Cabaret Las Vegas” you are in luck because I am recapping each episode this season but if you haven’t started watching the premiere episode yet, click off because this is the recap and it is full of spoilers.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s get to the recap of episode one. Ready? Let’s get started…….
Episode One: “It’s Vegas Baby”
The episode starts with clips from the previous season in Atlanta, and we see all the scenes we may have forgotten while the show has been on hiatus… the scene that stands out for me? Remember Chanel Tso winning her spot on the cabaret? The crowd screaming for her and her clapping her hands and jumping up and down in excitement? Something tells me that’s all over with, ya dig?
Next…
Joseline gives a look at her new video for her song…just in case you missed it or want to see it again, here it is:
(Posted on YouTube by Joseline Hernandez)
Next…
We see all these shots of Las Vegas, and lastly what looks like a shot of a fabulous resort. Yawl already know how Zeus likes to do it…spectacular!
We see Joseline strolling along the resort dressed in a pink blonde wig and a Dolce & Gabbana silver bikini…you already know her body looks sickening, do it Joseline! She says she is proud to be in Las Vegas with her own show….
Well I for one am proud of you too. See its moments like this where I am reminded why I like you Joseline…but something tells me I’m going to have to be negative at some point to your behavior…but for right now? I am happy for you, ma’am. If anyone doubted you, they weren’t paying attention. You were determined to do your own thing and…YOU DID THAT!
Whatever you think or feel about Joseline, she has kept herself relevant for over a decade now, so stop hating at least give her that…
She strolls up to her fiancé Ballistic Beats and they smooch. I have always liked him for Joseline, they seem like they are made for each other…
They stand on a balcony overlooking a sprawling pool…Zeus always shows out when it comes to the accommodations. Drop a comment if you all think Zeus does a great job of getting locations…
Joseline asks Ballistic if he will get mad at her if she goes skinny dipping the same way he did last season. He says no, and she does an impression of his reaction when he saw her last time in the water butt naked with Sapphire….
Lol.
Ballistic tells Joseline he is proud of her, and all of the believing in herself with the hard work, and what she has done has paid off. He pops the champagne, because you already know they got to drink some champagne…Joseline tells a story of the time Ballistic popped a bottle of champagne and the top went into the air, and came down and popped her in the head…
Lol.
They toast to “Live Your Best Life (DO IT LIKE ITS YOUR BDAY)”being the number one song, aye! I will toast to that but instead of champagne, its Black tea with lemon, it’s like ten in the morning right now…and until this trifling blog takes off? I’m too broke for champagne, lol.
Ballistic Beats says the song gets a million streams a week…well done, Joseline! I will toast to that!
Joseline and Ballistic Beats are on their way to look at a club, the club has to have the ability to be turned into a venue worthy of Joseline’s Cabaret. Joseline needs her performances in Las Vegas to be epic. She wants to see how the city reacts to her cabaret.
Ballistic asks her what girls did she bring back, she says only Chanel Tso and Lexi Blow from Atlanta but she plans to give them a lot of responsibility. Ballistic points out that the two gives she is bringing back are soft…
Hmmmmm.
Is this the reason Joseline has brought them back? Don’t tell me she intentionally picked them because their personalities were more submissive to hers? I’m just asking!
Ballistic is worrying that the new girls will walk all over Chanel and Lexi…Joseline says the new girls will be gunning for the old girls spots on the cabaret…what do you guys think? Does Chanel Tso and Lexi Blow have what it takes to keep the girls in line? Drop a comment…
Joseline intends to put those two in charge when she is not around, but they need to show her that they can handle the job…and if they cant? They are the ones that have to go…
Ouch.
She calls them both on a video call because they are together, to video chat. Ballistic welcomes them to Las Vegas but Joseline gets right to business. She tells them she is expecting them to handle the cabaret business in the house and not to let the new girls think they are coming into the house running things…
She tells Lexi Blow last season she was neutral and last season Chanel Tso got dog treats thrown at her like she was a puppy. Chanel reminds Joseline that she is not a fighter and Joseline reminds her that she has to defend herself…
True.
I always say, there is no excuse for a grown woman not even trying to defend herself, fighter or not. I’m not a fighter either but I’m not no punk. I’m grown and there are all types of ways of defending yourself. I think maybe Chanel should have avoided coming back to the cabaret…if she has to fight and she is not a fighter, why do it? If you know that is a requirement, if it is one, allegedly.
Then why do it, ya dig? I just avoid situations where I know I’m going to have to be aggressive, because my biggest strength in fighting, is avoiding one!
Lol. That’s real talk.
Joseline tells Chanel if she is not willing to defend her spot then she is going to have a problem.
Do you all remember when you all was a kid, and your mama gave you instructions to carry out to the tee, while she was away? Well, that is what Joseline reminded me of…She tells them she is on the way to check out a club for the cabaret and she doesn’t care if it takes her ten hours, the new girls better be outside waiting for her and her instructions. She says to both, “ Make them respect yawl, and respect Joseline’s Cabaret house…alright, welcome to Vegas bitches”… and she hangs up on them…
Ummm, okay…lol.
Switch…
Next, we see a black sedan pull up with none other than season two winner, and Atlanta alum, Chanel Tso who lets us know she got that money honey…and Lexi Blow us know her butt is still soft like white powder…
Lol, if you say so girl…we will just have to take you and Joseline’s word for it, wink, wink…
They are impressed with the house, yes Zeus knows how to find a great location, shout out to whoever be finding these spots for these reality shows. Too bad they find such nice homes; to be occupied by some ratched behaving people….shut up yawl know it’s true, ha!
Lexi says she went through a lot of b.s. to make it to season three, well let’s hope it’s worth it Lexi because I like you…
Chanel reminisces about when it was down to the final decision and she won against Lexi, she never thought the other girls chosen liked her, so she is glad it is once again them two. Chanel tried to imply she was an outsider, and Lexi reminds her she made herself the outsider by the women she chose to align herself with season two…remember that Chanel?
Since season two Lexi has been being a mother and working on her business, hosting, and doing bookings. Since season two Chanel has gotten the ten-thousand-dollar cash prize, a new car, a new place to live, endorsements, and been in music videos.
Impressive, but are they ready to meet these new girls? I hope they are impressive too.
Switch…
A bunch of girls are being loaded into a vehicle labeled for the cabaret, so this must be it…yawl know I’m paying attention.
Okay, I’m going to be fair…shut up it’s the Aquarius in me, but I’m going to say what I want to say, and say it how I am moved to say it…shut up it’s the Aquarius in me.
I’m not intentionally offensive so, if you have read my recaps before and come here for the insults, don’t get mad because I won’t spend a lot of time dissing other women…
UNLESS THESE LADIES PISS ME OFF.
You have been forewarned, ladies of the cabaret. I’m actually biased in yawl favor, I respect strippers because it takes all types of skills and athleticism and I really respect women who do sex work as well! Especially because I can’t do what those women do, so instead of hate, I congratulate…
Sorry.
But that doesn’t mean I will just jump on someone’s bandwagon and then stay on it when they act crazy or out of line with my get down. I will jump from the crazy train at will…So don’t take it personal if you are subjected to my wrath because it will be warranted, lol. Maybe, he he!
The ride to the house…
We are first introduced to Henny. She is from New York. Someone yells, “season three bitches”, and they all yell and clap…..
Sigh.
They are twerking and feeling each other up…well so far so good…
Whoooop!
Next we are introduced to K.Kapri who is a proud lesbian…she is 6’3 yawl….and I can already tell has a big personality to match those long legs… She has a key key moment with Amber who lets her know she used to do them thangs and she is from the Westside of Chicago.
They are all excited to see the house, and to start dancing and making money. They laugh and joke on the ride but one person who just has to stand out is Ms Wet Wet who is in a pink “outfit” with pink pasties on some huge fake boobies that she is continuously shaking and shimmying to the annoyance of some of the other girls….but I bet the camera man loved the shenanigans.
A mess. They don’t even move…but there she is manually shaking them in her confessional… She says she is never thirsty because she stays, “wet”…
OMG.
I did say I was going to be fair and it is the first episode…but girl, really? FOH!
Let me shut up, lol.
Some girl sitting in the back has a suggestion for the group. She says, “We should find a rich White guy and beat him up…”
{Record Scratch}
Girl, what?!
When asked why, she says, because they will pay you to beat them up….Oh okay then…..
Wait, what?!
Lol.
We are introduced to the girl with the wacky suggestion, Gaia Love says she is the first Christian porn star. No ma’am I am almost certain you are not, but am almost as certainly sure nobody wanted to broadcast their faith while sucking on penis…but if I am wrong please leave their names in the comments.
Ms. Wet Wet is going to be seen and heard, she keeps shaking those tits and being loud. She says she is never thirsty because she stays wet, we don’t care. We really don’t, lol. Amber and K.Kapri are over it though, especially Amber who trades words with an unbothered and determined to be seen and heard, Ms. Wet Wet. K.Kapri calls her Ms. Dry Dry in her confessional…
Good one K.Kapri.
K.Kapri wishes she had something to throw at Ms. Dry Dry, Amber threatens to throw her shoe, but Wet Wet says other people’s opinions don’t matter.
If you say so. Too bad nobody gave you the opinion that your wig needed to be sewn in…
At some point an irritated Amber pulls Ms. Wet Wet’s wig off her head…
Sigh, now let’s see if that will get her to shut up for a minute so some other girls can shine geez. Wait… I did say I was going to be fair and it is the first episode…but girl, really? Once again, let me shut up, lol.
But Joseline…giiiiirl if by some chance you read this post? I really love you to put up with this type of abuse… I mean Ms. Wap Wap…why? Just why? I don’t know what you are thinking…but I’m gonna rock with you okay ma’am…but can you assure me, at some point this is going to make sense? Because I’m confused frfr.
But it was amusing…
They pull up to the house…the view alone got them screaming and they are not even in front yet…the house is bad…in a good way!
Next…
We see Amber confronting Gaia who she asks if she was giving up the “p***y or not”.
WAIT….WHAT?!
Well, Gaia says she will do that when they get married. She assures Amber she will do that every day, when they are married….
OMG.
This show is bananas…I’m over here like, what the hell!!!
Lol.
Switch…
Joseline and Ballistic ad go view the club for the cabaret venue, and it is perfect. It’s being shown to her by an agent I think his name is SKYDIRECT, correct me in the comments if I am wrong. The club is intimate and has a stage, V.I.P. section, bar, and televisions all over the place…Joseline can see the potential. She lets the agent know this is not a strip club this is an epic cabaret.
Oh ok, Joseline, we gone see…
Switch…
Despite it now starting to get dark, the ladies are still sitting in the bus…its getting late and they are tired. Finally, Chanel and Lexi come out. They have security let the girls out so they can get a good look at them…
Of course they notice Ms. Wap Wap…oh yes you gonna see those tits if it’s the last thing you do, lol! Some of the girls look good some don’t. Chanel welcomes the girls to season three. Amber is wondering why they are standing out in front of the house like its theirs…Chanel says she is seeing some girls with not so good looks…She says they are fix that because they do not want any “thrifty” looks in the house…
She then tells them; they are not allowed to enter the house until Joseline gives them further instruction so back into the bus they go…until further notice…then the two strut back into the house…
Lol.
Oh hell naw!
Joseline calls Chanel and Lexi from the location to check on the progress…
On video call they both tell her they love the house. Joseline gets straight to business, “Where them hoes at” she asks.
Sigh.
Joseline and her own brand of “women’s empowerment”…But I digress so let’s move on…
They tell her they are back onto the bus. Well since they are already in the bus, Joseline directs Chanel and Lexi to join them on the bus and come straight to the photo shoot she had planned. Joseline doesn’t know what the future holds, but at least before women start dropping like flies she can get a cast photo, basically…these two are responsible for the girls being on their best behavior…
The ride to the photo shoot…
The girls who were just rambunctious, are now quiet and Henny takes notice. Well me too, Henny. “So talk” Ms. Wap Wap tells her and she replies, “I just did”, lol. K.Kapri makes a good comment when she says, just because it was rowdy before does not mean it has to be rowdy all the time.
Chanel asks the bus of girls how they have been getting along. They say good…
When?! Lol.
Chanel points to the front row of the van and accuses them of being mighty quiet.
This is when we are introduced to ReRe with some deep dimples in her smile. I was like, finally somebody else is speaking! Then she says in her confessional her stage name used to be Courtney. Why? It sounds, “White”…
Shut up ReRe…
We also meet Jordan who has a big smile and what looks to be a bubbly personality. She says she likes to be the center of attention, well it had to be hard to stand out with Ms. Wet Wet and her insatiable need to be seen and heard…but nice to have another girl pipe the freak up, ya dig?
Now remember, Chanel was just asking the girl questions…well Ms. Wet Wet asks the girls how does everyone feel about the house….somebody tells her they don’t want to hear sh*t from you…
Lol.
I cracked up because she kept right on going unfazed. She tells Chanel and Lexi she happy to learn from them. Chanel asks if the girls have been to Las Vegas before. Some have some haven’t. Ms. Wet Wet says she got her boobs done in Las Vegas…
Sigh, of course you did. And their names? Paris and London…my inner Aquarius wants to come out but… I did say I was going to be fair and it is the first episode…but girl, really? FOH!
Let me shut up, lol.
Nice names for your boobs girl…see, I can be nice, lol.
We next meet Lollipop. I like her eyes. She is cute and seems to know it…this is getting long, huh?
Let me just get these girls out of the van…let’s move to the photo shoot….
The photo shoot…
The girls are all treated to glam, hair and makeup. Chanel says she been doing shots and I can tell. She looks faded but happy.
We are next introduced to Blckdiamond and I loved her confessional look. The cleavage was a bit much for me, but on her it looked good with the straight black hair and red lip.
Cute.
She came to the show with her boo, Raven who says she is sex appeal. She has a cute short haircut…
Wait a minute hold up…Why is Gaia Love goofy ass in the corner meditating?! Wait…that wasn’t nice huh? Do your thing Gaia…lol, Just kidding, praise Jesus…
K.Kapri is off to herself, but its because she is overwhelmed with gratitude. Right before she arrived in Las Vegas she was beaten up by her ex- girlfriend…
Dang that’s rough. Let’s hope you are able to get some help baby girl and this is a positive experience for you…
They do the shoot, and I like Lexi Blow’s look the best…
Ms. Wet Wet is apparently singing up a storm while the shoot is occurring…Amber gets pissed. She first starts complaining to Chanel. Ms. Wet Wet is convinced “Hoes is pressed..” and said so…REPEATEDLY LIKE A BROKEN RECORD…she even pulls down her dress to ask Paris and London if the girls was pressed by her and she tells us “They agree”… REPEATEDLY LIKE A BROKEN RECORD!!!
Giiiiirl!
Security has them separated. Amber tells our favorite security guard, The Guardian of Zeus, remember him? She tells him that she is going to beat Ms. Wet Wet’s ass. Hey Guardian, we aint seen you all episode, bruh. How’s it hangin?
Lol.
A female producer is trying to get Ms. Wet Wet from out the clouds, but she is too busy saying “Hoes is pressed”…REPEATEDLY LIKE A BROKEN RECORD…I cant even take her serious with her dress pulled down exposing her breasts and this time her nipples are uncovered.
Amber walks over to her and tries to fight but is prevented. She tries again but is again prevented. She is in the corner venting to security, while Ms. Wet Wet keeps yelling her delusions, because all the girls are pressed remember?
At this point? Raven tells us in her confessional she was tuned in, well so was I Raven…
Amber calls Ms. Wet Wet a Bosstec knock off…
Where?!! I know Bosstec is mad, lol.
How does the episode end?
Amber tells everybody she is going to drag Ms. Wet Wet… and guess what? She walks across the room and before she could be prevented? With the help of some socks to the face she landed on Ms. Wet Wet? From what I could see? She did just that…
So, we can’t wait to catch the fall out next week, can we? See yawl next episode, muah!
What are your thoughts?
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