A male friend recently introduced me to videos featuring a content creator that he enjoyed watching. He knows I like to write about relationships on my blog so from time to time he tries to turn me on to some content that he feels I might find intriguing. Well I did find this woman and her perspective intriguing.
The woman’s name is Kimmi Reed and she fancies herself as a “relationship motivator” and she posts some pretty cool videos on TikTok and I even found a few on YouTube. Have you heard of her? If you have feel free to leave a comment giving me your opinion of what you think about her content. If you haven’t feel free to check her out by locating a link to her TikTok channel in the reference located at the bottom of this post.
Well I did locate a video on YouTube that I found to be rather interesting, and it was her perspective on why some men will not marry a woman he was in a relationship with. Well I found her take to be a great opinion on male commitment especially since her husband joins her on the video.
Imagine that, a self appointed relationship guru, and it’s a married woman, something mamy women aspire to be. So if you haven’t caught the video in question check it out, and then come back to this post. I will be discussing the points made in the video, and of course adding some commentary of my own. So without further ado, here is the video:
(Posted on YouTube by Kimmi Reed)
So what did you think about the video? Well this is the part of the post where I weigh in, and since the video is approximately seven minutes, I have decided to go in depth and do a recap and review of the video and highlight the points made, and give my opinions on what was discussed. Are you ready for my insight that I call, “Bootleg Sociology?” Where here it is…
My reaction, to the video….
The video starts off with Kimmi and her husband James Reed walking together which is something I have seen them do in a previous video as a great way of bonding together as a couple. Kimmi lets us know that she and her husband together are “the relationship motivators”.
Kimmi tells that they have a question from a female viewer, “Why is it that she gets to a certain point in the relationship where she thinks everything is going cool, two, three years down the line, and this man still won’t marry her? He won’t even talk about marriage…”
Kimmi tells us and her that there can be a lot of reasons for this phenomenon. She goes on to make a very important distinction by asking the woman, and therefore all women who came to that particular video looking for the answer to why a man who seemingly was interested in them, was not interested into taking the relationship further into a marriage…
#1. How soon into the relationship did you introduce the word marriage?
Kimmi says that no man wants to hear anything about marriage two weeks into the relationship, meaning that it is never a good idea to have a discussion about marriage too soon after you start dating a new suitor. I agree. That is not to say you can casually discuss if marriage is a future option….
Confused?
If you are dating a new man it is okay to ask if he would like to get married in the future. For example, “Hey, do you see yourself getting married in the future?” could be a question you throw out there in the litany of questions you ask as you get to know someone. But that is different from asking the question, “Hey, do you see yourself marrying, me, in the future”…
Get it?
You want to know if you are wasting time and energy, entertaining the advances of a man who doesn’t for see himself as a future candidate for marriage, that means he doesn’t see you as a future wife, and you can stop seeing him immediately because his intentions does not align with yours.
Kimmi makes a good point. Most men will be looking to have fun with a woman, and that’s okay. What is not okay is when you are the woman who has intentions to make a man a husband, and he is just looking to have a good time with you. That would be a disaster. Kimmi says that women have the tendency to date a man with a committed relationship in mind…do you agree? Well I agree with that point as well.
She also makes a great point that many women seem to overlook, another major reason that men date women is to secure a source of sex. I think that women need to be more realistic when getting into dating relationships with men. A man could be looking to have sex with you and you could be looking to secure him as a husband. Those are not necessary two goals that are in alignment with each other, especially if a man can secure a woman as a source of sex without marrying her. Why would a man then marry you?
Kimmie also says that women spend a lot of time telling men all about themselves but don’t allow men to tell us about themselves. She says men love to talk about themselves but most women talk way too much and don’t give men that opportunity. She says we run our mouths too much.
Ouch.
That is a common complaint that men make, that women talk way too much. Well that is something a woman interested in securing a husband could work on to make her more susceptible to triggering a man’s instinct to “lock her down”. If most women do not listen enough, if you become one of those rare women who listen to a man, you can become the woman that no man wants to lose so he will be asking for your hand in marriage.
Kimmi advises women not to talk about marriage so soon. She says bring a fun energy to the experience of dating. Well, ladies we could always try it, especially if what you have been doing thus far has not been effective. Maybe you can try some of the tips from the lady who dubs herself the “relationship motivator”? And, I can give you a couple of tips you can try as well.
What is my claim to relationship guru apprenticeship? In all seriousness, I was in a long term marriage, and while I am a widow, I want to believe I have something to add to the conversation, how do you get a man to commit to you…
So how do you get your goal of being married to align with a man’s goal of securing a source of sex? You could secure his heart. I would advise that you do not have sex with a man before you know he cares about you. Kimmi also advises that a woman does not have sex with a man until she is ready to.
Great advice.
You are much less apt to feel used for sex if you don’t succumb to pressure to have sex too early. A insecure woman will use her feminine wiles, or sex to try to pressure a man into a relationship too early, and that will surely backfire on any woman who uses this tactic. It’s a useless trick because it’s a bad idea to force a man to commit to you. Kimmi says waiting to you are ready to have sex is a good move because it will weed out anything man who is just looking to secure you as a source of sex.
There is no tricking involved.
It is always the best tactic to allow a man to decide he cannot lose you so he decides to make you his wife before another man does. She advises a woman to say no to a man when he wants sex if she is not ready and his reaction is negative that is all a woman that is looking for a husband needs to know.
I also make an argument in favor of women working on their inner beauty as an explanation of why some women are successful in attaining a committed relationship. I’m by far no expert on relationships but I do have an opinion that you may like to read about. If you would like to read post related to this topic here is my perspective:
James Reed tells us how a woman can get a man to marry her but he first drops some gems on us a well.
He says men are physically attracted to women so they ask them out, but a woman is also attracted to a man because that’s what makes her accept the invitation. He let’s us know that a woman know when she first meets a man if she will eventually have sex with him or not based off that initial attraction. He is basically saying that sexual attraction takes place initially with both men and women, not just men.
I think the fact that a male perspective is included in this video makes this video superior to one that only included the opinion of a woman. I like that this discussion has balance, and gives women the opinion of a man, who is married, who is the subject of this discussion. It only makes sense that if we are going to discuss the commitment of men, a committed man be added to the mix!
James Reed says women want sex just like men it is only that women go about it in a different way. Kimmi agrees, and so do I. Women are sexual being just like men and we are getting to a point in society more women are able to express their sexuality naturally without having to appear frigid, and sexless just to appear worthy of commitment. That’s my added opinion of course.
James reed says that when it comes to marriage, men know whether or not they want to marry women, at a certain point in the relationship. Well there you have it ladies. I would agree with this point because it makes sense. He says that if at a certain point in the relationship a man has not asked a woman to marry him, than he is never going to marry that woman.
Ouch.
This is another fact that a woman may find hard to accept but it will be helpful along the journey to marriage if a woman accepts that there are relationships that will be a waste of time if we don’t learn to cut them off or avoid them altogether. The latter being the most productive and conducive to avoiding broken hearts from broken relationships.
James says men take the time to vet a woman by seeing how she is with him and her potential to be a good mother if he wants children before considering a woman for marriage. He says some men will get comfortable with a woman.
And I was all ears…I want any woman reading this post to pay attention to the point that James makes almost five minutes into the video. If a woman is bending over backwards doing everything a man says she is making the relationship comfortable for a man.
James Reed s tells women a great way to make a man see you as “wife material”
It is at this point James Reed tells women a great way to make a man want to secure you as not just a source of sex, and a person who is making his life comfortable, but as wife material. James says that a woman must make a man feel uncomfortable at times in order for him to feel the desire to want to make the woman in question his wife.
Bingo!
Kimmi interjects and says that women have to show a man how to treat you. This is not a new concept to many of us women searching through relationship material in hopes to attract loving marriages. We have heard before that we teach men how to treat us by the things we allow them to do to us. When we hold ourselves to high regards, we require men to treat us with high regard because a person who loves themselves does not allow others to treat them poorly. They will walk away because they know they deserve better, right?
James says sometimes the thing that will trigger a man to marry you is that he feels that if you are not with him he will suffer. He says when a man knows he has a woman that he cannot live without then he is going to lock her down. So there is another gem, the key is to make a man feel like he needs you in his life by no being so accessible when you see he is not treating you like you have the option of walking away. Sometimes men will take you for granted and not marry you because he has not reason to, you will not walk away if he doesn’t. Basically you become an option instead of a necessity and are treated as such.
Kimmi gives women a timeline. She says if he doesn’t know after two or three years then you should push the issue and be prepared to walk away. So have the conversation about marriage but not too soon.
But what do I know? I’m just a bootleg sociologist who nobody will listen to so I started a blog……….
What are your thoughts?
Follow this blog @whenthiswomanspeaks.com
Facebook@whenthiswomanspeaks
Instagram@whenthiswomanspeaks
Twitter@woman_speaking
Pinterest@whenthiswomanspeaks
References:
When This Woman Speaks 