Disclaimer: This post contains information, content, and opinions about violence against women which may be triggering to some people. At the end I included some resources for victims of violence. While this post is meant to educate and inform, discretion is advised.
There will always be those who say no matter what a woman does to a man, she should never be hit by a man, not even in self defense. In my opinion, that argument is ridiculous and I will tell you why, I have sons, and grandsons. I feel it would be irresponsible of me to advise them to never defend themselves against anyone that is trying to hurt them. But it is a fact that women are many times at a disadvantage physically. It is for this reason I would advise males not to hit females but I am one of the women that can admit sometimes it cannot be helped, and that’s sad. Violence should be avoidable, and I am hoping this post helps both genders avoid having to use violence as a solution to a dispute.
But it is also important that we understand human reactions in order to better avoid being in situations that spark violent reactions. This is important for women who sometimes do not access the risks of engaging in an argument with a man and not understanding that if he feels humiliation, she will be putting herself in a highly volatile situation. An argument with two women will be different. A woman will argue with a woman and engage in verbal put downs and not have a violent reaction. But when engaging in such interactions with a man, if he feels humiliated his rage can be activated. While a woman will most likely fight back verbally, a man will also fight back verbally but he will be in a rage while doing so. He most likely will not hit a woman as long as the attack stays verbal because even though he is reacting strongly he will still understand it is unacceptable to attack a woman. He will defend himself verbally, only.
While I feel a man can defend himself against a woman, I do not feel like a man should be able to hit a woman. While this statement may be conflicting to some, if you continue reading this post you will get the full meaning of my point. Men should not hit women, but there are circumstances where a woman is a not only aggressive and combative, and she is also abusive. If a woman attacks a man, she should be ready for him to attack back. A woman should not assume that she will not be hit back. Because let me point out…..
Men that avoid hitting women, do not argue with them. They see no point in doing so because you would be opening up yourself to possible blows to your ego. It is humiliating for a man to be insulted and men have been known to kill people behind them being insulted. It is a real danger that combative women overlook. If a man is engaging in a verbal spare that is a sign that if you take it to the physical, he will respond in kind.
There are barely any instances where I feel a man should strike a woman. But one of the instances is if a woman was posing a threat to them physically. It is in those situations I would expect a man to exercise some form of self defense. There are instances where a woman attacks a man, and technically he has the right to defend himself.
But here is where we can run into an issue because now we get into some issues such as the manner in which a man defends his person.
When we say its acceptable to use self defense against an attack, I feel there should be some consideration taken due to a man being physically able to cause more harm to a woman than she was going to cause to him. It’s in those instances I would like the circumstances to be weighed. Because in most cases, a woman will not cause much harm to a man if he simply, not engage, disengage, or walk way.
While we now are coming to understand that gender is a social construct, more of us need to accept that there are some differences between men and women. A little knowledge would help us all maneuver living in a society with others that may react differently than us. With so many women victimized each year from violence perpetrated by men, we can get the picture that women are completely blameless for this violence. Let’s be clear, blame is not the same as responsibility, and I feel women have a responsibility to keep safe if it is possible, don’t you agree?
When You Introduce Humiliation To A Volatile Situation
A male friend once brought it to my attention that there is always a low risk of violence in interaction with men, so in his opinion, the risk of violence make men act differently with each other as opposed to the way women interact with each other.
I would like to introduce an element that can cause a man to react violently to another man, humiliation. I would say men will actively avoid humiliating another man, due to the reactions being way more intense. It is at this point I would like to introduce a video that perfectly shows an instance where a man is physically attacked by a woman. Remember this video that went viral a few years back? Watch the video and I will continue with my commentary…
(Posted on YouTube by YourGameVids)
By some accounts, the female passenger and the driver got into a disagreement about the fare. This leads to them arguing. When the video picks up we hear the bus driver and the woman trading insults and threats. It is at this point, I feel self defense begins……when someone insults you, it can be humiliating. Humiliation is a human emotion, but I posit that it sparks different reactions based on gender roles.
Where a woman insulting another woman may or may not lead to violence, I believe that men may react strongly. Maybe even to the point, a humiliated man may react with violence. As long as it stayed verbal, I believe the bus driver never would of struck the woman. But a soon as she spit and shoved him, he justified his response because technically she did hit him. But we see by the way he landed the uppercut and at one point slung her off the bus, he was in no real danger. The violent response was unnecessary.
I feel that she shouldn’t have argued with him or assaulted him. But he could of easily defended himself by first of all, not arguing with a woman. But my point is, should she have known he was humiliated and proceeded with caution?
The back and forth trading of insults got the bus driver riled up. The energy she was getting was the energy a man would give and at the point that she assaulted the bus driver she was at a physical disadvantage so when he attacked back, she got the worst of the fight. So how could all of this have been avoided?
The back and forth was unnecessary. If the two people simply had not argued, the issue would not have led to the assaults. To me, that is when self defense should begin. Not when physical violence is introduced but when verbal violence is introduced. You could at any point simply not engage. An insult is could be considered akin to a slap and when you insult the person back you have just engaged in a verbal fight. And for women who want to fight with a man, you cannot consider yourself a victim when you are not considering you are at a disadvantage.
If you are a victim of violence here is a website where you can access some information that could help assist you:
Help in Your State | Help for Victims | OVC (ojp.gov)
What are your thoughts?
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