Narcissists are quick to jump into relationships and hardly ever will take a break in between if they can help it. They do a maneuver called “monkey branching”. Kim Saeed who is a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Expert did an informative YouTube video on “monkey branching”, and in this post I will give my reaction and opinions on the information Ms. Saeed gave in the video. If you would like to check the video out first, here it is……
(Posted on YouTube by Kim Saeed)
So narcissists start looking for your replacement while still in a relationship with you, the same way a monkey holds onto a branch and won’t let go until he has another branch to hold onto. A narcissist will hold onto you, and devalue you, then discard you when they find someone they feel is better.
Awful isn’t it?
Interesting right? Well let’s delve into the information she gave us……..
According to the video, in order to maintain their narcissistic supply, narcissists use “monkey branching” as a manipulation technique in response to you starting to set boundaries with the narcissist or when you start to experience successes in your life.
Here are three reasons the video gave as to why narcissists use “monkey branching” as a tool in a relationship.
- (Temporarily) Satisfying the Inflated Ego
In response to a threat to their extremely fragile egos, narcissist will start re- engaging old supply in the form of “monkey branching”. Remember, the narcissist lives in a world of delusions, and if you should so happen to cause them to focus on reality, they will be looking to discard you for someone who is willing to live in their land of make believe.
- Maintaining or Refueling the Narcissistic Supply
If for any reason the narcissist feels you leave them or they would want to discard you, they use “monkey branching” as a way of making sure they have enough validation from others available to feed their need because they are unable to validate themselves.
- Revenge
A narcissist will “monkey branch” to get back at you for a slight that triggers their rage. We all know how sensitive and self absorbed a narcissist can be and their pettiness no boundaries. That’s why they use things like flirting, triangulation and “monkey branching” to abuse you for reasons a normal person would overlook.
These behaviors are so hurtful it can take victims years to recover and some never do. Well lucky for us, Kim Saeed’s video also gave us the signs that a narcissist may be using us. What are the signs?
- Extremely Flirtatious
Some people like to say that there is nothing wrong with a little flirting, but if it feels disrespectful, it usually is. A narcissist will use extreme flirtation to devalue the partner they are with. I say you shouldn’t put up with someone purposely making you feel bad or undervalued. You could call out your narcissist for being disrespectful, or you could see it as a major red flag and start planning your exit.
- Private with Technology
A narcissist is already sneaky and secretive by nature but they will be even more so with the technology they use, such as their home computers. A narcissist will guard their phone as if their life depended on it. Why? Usually it is because they have something to hide and their phone contains the evidence. A narcissist will never want you to have hard proof that they are deceiving you, and that is why their phone will have measures like fingerprint recognition to access it. They are extremely guarded with technology
- Dating Apps
If you are in a relationship, why would you need to be active on dating apps? Well when a narcissist has no desire to be faithful, and needs to have supply waiting in the wings, they will use dating profiles to keep themselves in the dating pool. If you suspect you are being used, you probably are. Why put up with someone making you feel bad when you could just remove them from your life?
- Spending More Time Outside The Home
It will take time to secure a new supply so you will find that the narcissist will need to be away more when they are using you to monkey branch onto a situation they deem to be better. Because we all know narcissist don’t have real meaningful relationships just “situations” they find themselves in that they disguise as true relations.
- Accusing You of Cheating( Or Expressing Their Fear About It)
Narcissist will often project their negative feelings and negative behaviors onto others. So you can expect to be accused of what they are feeling and doing because they refuse to be the bad guy or at least be the only one in the relationship who is living foul. They may not be that bold and just bombard you with premonitions that you will cheat, but it will be irrational either way.
- Very Little Time Spent Single
A narcissist who monkey branches will give themselves away if you just question their behaviors with their previous relationships. They will have spent little to no time outside of relationships because narcissists are not solitary creatures, they need supply too badly. Their relationships often overlap, and if you ask their previous partners you may find that the narcissist was already in another relationship before they ever broke up with them.
It’s important that we notice the signs. So many of us want to be in healthy committed relationships, but narcissists know that, and try to trick us into being their supply. So videos like these are helpful. The narcissist counts on us being unaware of their tricks, but people like Kin Saeed are devoted to exposing them.
She has plenty of videos that I have seen on YouTube, and if you are interested you would do well to check out her channel because it is very informative.
My reaction?
Thank you to Ms. Saeed for such an informative video. I myself have been the victim of a narcissistic “player” whose plan was to hold on to me, while he secured a side chick. I guess his plan was to triangulate us. But I simply dumped him before he could implement his evil arrangement.
He said he needed space. So I gave it to him. When he noticed I stopped calling, he started popping up at my residence. Imagine his surprise when the neighbors told him I moved.
Yes, sometimes you have to go through extreme measures not to be “hoovered”, which is another manipulation technique. And it can start by recognizing the narcissist has started doing things like “monkey branching”. I noticed “space” meant he needed to be away from the residence overnight. I got the hint. Rather that get him to agree that that was disrespectful, I simply agreed…..we needed space. And I pray for the victims he moved on to, but it won’t be us because we know the signs, don’t we?
So did the video educate you?
Have you ever been in a relationship where you were the victim of “Monkey Branching?”
What are your thoughts?
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References:
Monkey Branching | Monkey Branching Relationship | TheMindFool
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