What a question right? It seems like it should be an easy one to answer. Obviously if your child’s grandparent is abusive to the child you wouldn’t allow them to be around your child. Things like hard drug use and alcoholism can be a risk factor, and it would be conceivable that a parent might keep a grandparent in that situation away from a vulnerable child. But what if you simply do not agree with the way your parents live their life?
Now we are going somewhere where the question can get a bit tricky. So in this post I am going to address a question that I have had to deal with…..When is it okay to keep grandparents from the grandbabies? Interested in this topic? Read on….
So I’m watching an episode of Dr. Phil, actually it was Season 13, episode 7 and it was named, “Is Mom Leading a Secret Life, or Are These Daughters Caught Up in Drama?” Here is a promo clip,
(Posted on You Tube by Dr.Phil)
So rather than have you watch the episode, I hope the clip gave you some idea of what is going on, if you are still clueless, let me fill in the blanks and bring you around to why I am using this episode as an example.
So the mom has raised adult children, two of her daughters want to keep the grandbabies away from her because they believe their mother was cheating on their father who she was still married to and residing with. Not only did they think that mom was a cheater, these adult women believed their mom was meeting random men on the Internet and prostituting herself.
So I have an opinion. Whatever mom chooses to do with her life? That’s nobody’s business let alone her daughters who have their own lives and lives of their children to worry about. In this particular case, I feel that the children should not be kept away from their grandmother although her behavior was outrageous, its her life and if she choses to louse it up? Ce la ve, (um, sorry I failed high school French), or more accurately put? It’s her life to live. How do you say that in French?
But wait a minute my fellow bootleg French speakers, I have more. The daughters do have a point. You can put the grandbabies at risk because what if one of those crack pots show up when the babies are around, now it’s no longer just your life.
Why It Is Important To Have Grandparents Around
Grandparents make the best childcare providers. Think about it, they love your child. And if they raised you, and you lived to tell the story, they can care for your child without too much of a mishap. I mean children fall. Its helps when the person kissing the boo boos, kissed yours as well. And grandparents have the added bonus of KNOWING BETTER NOW. And when you know better, you most certainly can do better the next go round. So maybe some parents are overprotective to the point of hysteria. What’s your motivation?
Grandparents give great advice based not only on experience, which certainly should count for something, but also based on their history in the family. No need to have to explain the dynamics, they know everybody involved.
Grandparents are a valuable tool at your disposal. You’d be a fool not to use all your tools that you have access to because I know firsthand, it is super duper hard to be a parent. You need all hands on deck. Do you agree?
Why Some Grandparents Are Not Allowed To Be Around
I already mentioned some of the reasons. But now let me share why I used the clip from the Dr.Phil show, and if you get to see the whole episode you may agree. Some adult children use visitation with the grandbabies as a way of having control over others, namely their parents.
Yes, they hide behind doing what’s in the best interest of the children but really want to stick it to their parents, and boy does that hurt. The people that are hurt the most are the babies. How does that make you a good parent? Would a good parent keep away a person who just wants to love a child? Again, what’s your motivation?
In cases where the situation may not be ideal, there are ways to mitigate the circumstances. You can put boundaries in place. You could supervise and if necessary step in.
WARNING TO GRANNY AND POP POP…..
It is no okay to disregard the parenting structure a parent puts in place. For example if your adult child says their child is not allowed to have candy? You are setting a bad example by giving the child candy anyway. Don’t do that.
So Now What…..
There are times for a number of reasons I have not been able to be around my grandbabies and it hurts like the Dickens. But the times my little ones get in my arms makes all those times go away. The best feeling in the world is when my grandbaby puts his sticky little head on my shoulder and sighs. I sigh too. We share a secret, sooner or later, maybe when he is an adult; granny is going to ply him full of candy. Okay, he may be eighteen when it happens, (they watch me like a hawk when I open my purse) but yeah I will eventually be that granny filling him up on candy bars before dinner, eventually. Just kidding.
What are you experiences? Are you the grandparent or the child? Dealing with an adult child who is keeping the babies away? Dealing with a grandparent who is overstepping their boundaries? Leave a comment you just might help someone.
Also check out this online resource I found because this just might help as well:
Follow this blog @whenthiswomanspeaks.com
Instagram @ whenthiswomanspeaks
Twitter @ woman_speaking