We all know one, and some of us have the unfortunate experience of trying to have a romantic relationship with one and they can be a male or female. Who pray tell am I referring to? The ever so thirsty Player…

The Player can also be a narcissist in disguise. It is very important that you know your narcissist. A player is not necessarily a narcissist, but the narcissist most definitely is a player. So educate yourself about narcissism and codependency. Because if you want to be in a loving relationship? The player is not what you want.

The Player

A player doesn’t have to be good looking. Ever been head over heels over a Player? Then they dump you and leave you wondering, what you ever saw in them? Yeah, I’ve been down that road. Don’t feel bad if you were caught in his web and got so entangled in their minutia and drama. They have a lot of tools in their arsenal. If you entertain them, you will eventually be charmed by them. You were bound to be caught.

Why?

The tools a Player uses are underhanded and deceptive. What a combo. And you will most definitely get a taste of their “one two” punch, if you entertain them. They have perfected the art of deception, because usually by the time they run game on you? They have been running game on others. Hence the saying, “I’m not new to this, I’m true to this”.

You will find that you can avoid a lot of heartache by recognizing the signs and the tactics that a player will use. A good strategy to have when you get into a romantic relationship with someone is to take your time to get to know them well before you fall head over heels with them.

You see you may not recognize that you are dealing with a player at first, but usually if you pay attention you will catch on to the games they play. So guess what? The player will usually rush the relationship, because they know that the longer they stick around the more vulnerable they are to exposure. And we know that narcissists hate to be exposed.

So what are some things that may reveal that the person in your life is a player, besides them rushing the relationship……..

A False Promise of a Future

The player loves to come across people who long to be in a committed loving relationship. “Me too” they proclaim. Lies, lies and more lies! They have no intention of having a future with you, their intention is to use you, but they know they cannot do so without deceiving you. So they “future fake” or make you feel they are in it for the long haul, but usually a player will get in to get what they can get and then quickly get out before you find out they are playing with your heart.

Fake Proclamations of Love

You are barely around the player two days before they are saying things like” I have never felt like this with nobody before you” or “ I think I’m falling in love with you…”

TELL THEM TO STOP.

This is definitely a red flag. Anybody who tries to rush the natural progression of a relationship is crossing a boundary. Normal relationships have to take their time to develop trust and intimacy. The player does not have time for that because they want to get in and then be on to the next.

So put the brakes on a person rushing things with proclamations of love that may be insincere. It takes time for real feelings to take deep roots. Enjoy getting to know someone but also take this time to see if they have characteristics that may be toxic.

Hot and Cold Behavior

People who love themselves do not allow other people to mistreat them. If you notice someone is inconsistent in the way they handle you, then you should cut them out of your life. If one day they are loving to you and the next day they are distant, only to quickly become loving again when they suspect you are moving on?

RUN.

A person who is being open and honest does not engage in push and pull behavior. They want you bee secure in the relationship you are building together. A player wants to keep you wondering. The purpose of this is, you will try harder if you aren’t sure they are all in. Well the player doesn’t know you are reading this post. You will be on to their tricks and when you see them acting funny? You know what to do…..sprint away like a track star!

When They Dump You

First they start acting “funny”, and then the discard comes swiftly, because the player is not interested in a real grown up relationship. Usually the player is out to get the perks of being in a relationship without providing those perks in return. And yes, a player may be out to get material things out of you, but if your player is also a narcissist, they will also want affection, emotional support and love out of you too.

They are only with you because of the things you provide. You may be used for money, sex or even the use of your vehicle. The sad thing is they will often use these things to get another conquest. They have no qualms about riding around their new love in your car and even using your money to take another person out on a date.

You shouldn’t b falling in love with someone who is only out to get what they can get out of you. This is where slowing things down and taking your time can lead to a player revealing their sinister plan.

The Player Goes Ghost

So what happens when the player feels they will be found out, or they no longer have any use for the things you provide to them?

Rather than deal with you asking them why they dumped you, the player will just disappear out of your life. Good. That is a clear sign this person does not have the maturity to be in a real relationship because they would at least verbalize why they are moving on.

The player may or may not take satisfaction in hurting you. Sometimes they can cruelly discard you

The purpose of ghosting is to leave the door open for them to come back later….remember; you are not given closure or a reason. They just go. But are they gone for good?

The Smirk

The narcissistic smirk is a smile of satisfaction that a narcissist gives when they have gotten over on someone. So what if you run into a player that has “played” you? Please do not resort to violence no matter how primal the emotions they bring out of you with that sly smile…..

So if the player comes around later, smirking?

How to Knock the Smirk off Your Narcissist’s Face the Non-Violent Way

Take your hat out of the ring, and do not respond to their texts, emails, calls or any other attempts to contact you. If you see them while you are out and about? Ignore them then too or simply make up an excuse to get out of their presence quickly.

When they see their disrespect has not broken you? The narcissist will be disturbed by this, because they think that you can’t just move on. But you can. The best revenge is to have a good life and not to give up on the hope that you will find love. When they smirk? You smile and watch how quickly the narcissist smirk turns into a look of confusion.

You need to figure out what was it that made you so attractive to a player. But until you heal your inner wounds that made you a narcissist’s target?

Take these tools with you……

Do Not Disclose

Stop telling strangers about you. If a love interest wants to get to know you they will date you and overtime you will disclose information.

Do Not Rush

Do not allow anyone to rush the relationship. Take your time and get to know the person. This is actually the best part of new relationship.

Do Not Accept

Do not accept bad treatment. If it feels disrespectful, it probably is, so trust your gut.

What are your thoughts?

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References:

How Narcissists Use Future Faking to Manipulate You (psychcentral.com)